Where's the wildlife? Too cute Tuesday ( the late edition)

So, as I mentioned, yesterday we piled up 80 kindergarteners on a bus and drove over an hour away to provide them with priceless memories and experiences with the world's wildlife. We saw tigers, giraffes, elephants, birds, etc. They were excited enough to see all these cool critters, but the highlight of their day?

This was the part of the day where we as teachers were supposed to sigh satisfactorily over a job well done. Hours of planning, phone calls, reservations, parents, money woes, prayers for the rain to give way - it would all be clear after this moment that our pains had been worth every second.

It wasn't exactly the smug sigh we normally have.

Can you spot the wildlife?

Maybe this will help....

Yep. This was the star of the zoo. A worm - to which they excitedly exclaimed, "It's alive Mrs. Arian! It's really alive!"

"Yes, that one is alive, kids because we all know how today's zoos love to sneak cuddly deceased critters into their exhibits."

I Should've Been a Roofer!

Went to the doc today.... After going on a field trip with 80 kindergarteners to the zoo. I'm so stupid sometimes! What had started as a couple of blisters, turned into a nasty purplish blister with pink streaks running up my hand. No worries though. I traipsed through the zoo one-handedly escorting 4 very excited kids. We rushed all over the first half so we could make it through to the end. The second half I ran into my teacher that I work for and we joined our group for a rowdy 7. By lunch, the pink streaks had turned an angry red and ran all the way up to my armpit.

Getting my appointment was nuts! My little bro had driven my mom's car up there and he and I took off as the kids lined up for the potty before they left for home. We flew back, but thankfully made it in time.

The doc had squeezed me in, so I waited a long time. He came in, took one look at my very, very painful arm and said, "That my dear lady, is the shingles." By this point, my condition looked nothing like any shingles I had ever seen. I raised an eyebrow and he asked more questions. I explained that I get this at least once a year and that I had been to an ER and two other docs. None of them had ever given me an answer.

He started me on some anti-viral medicine as well as some really great pain meds. He said that the streaks on my arm would probably blister up by tomorrow. He asked if I ever had pain in that finger after it healed up. I told him I did sometimes. He told me that I have chronic recurring shingles. It isn't common, but it does happen, especially in someone that hasn't ever been given medicine for it. He was very honest and told me that we would hopefully get it for good, but there was a 50% chance it would keep coming back. I'm ok with that now though. I know what to do.

The pain is horrendous today. Hubby accidentally bumped my arm during dinner and I melted into a sobbing mess. That was with pain meds already taken too. Thankfully, tonight things seem a little less painful (could be the meds). Hopefully, it will ease up in a couple of days with these meds and I can finally go back to doing all the normal wifey things my house desperately needs me to do again!

I will post Too Cute Tuesday, but it will be later on tomorrow night. I know it's hard to bear the thought of going without for even a moment. Be strong though! I know you can make it!

Mother Nature please check your calendar!

Dear Mother Nature,

It seems to me that you have perhaps caught the pig flu and called out of work the past week leaving your little workers to run amuck and create this insane chaos down here! If that isn't the case... Check your calendar!

It is May! April showers are over with! Even if there were a few days left in April, I don't think dumping a month's worth of rain in three days is a wise executive decision. Planting season is upon us and I know I'm not the only one keeping my little tomato plants under shelter until this insanity passes through!


**** As an aside, you guys are awesome! It has taken a ridiculous amount of time to type this out. The pain in my hand is unbearable and I will be kind and spare you all the ickiness of an updated and much worse picture! I can't straighten my arm now b/c of the swelling. I do believe I will be squeezing in a doc's appt tomorrow!

Thanks for your kind words and your support even in non IF related issues. I would be so lost without you all!

Love,
Arian


P.S. Oh yeah and Mother Nature, I'm still holding out hope for that zoo field trip tomorrow, bum arm and all! I pray you will take prompt action in finding a place for all these flood waters between now and eight o'clock tomorrow morning! May I suggest that you begin by shutting off the rain dump valve?

Medical Mystery

*******Please do not read if you are faint of heart or have a sensitivity to ouchie looking pics.********

This morning I woke up and my hand was throbbing. I crooked my right index finger to rub my eyes and pain seared down my hand. Further investigation showed me six barely visible blistering spots on the outside of my finger at the base of the joint. I almost fell in the floor in tantrum like tears. I've had this happen a lot. I knew what was coming. I should have seen it last night when it hurt to use a kitchen knife. It has been a long time since I had this last though and I guess it just never occured to me.

I waited in dreaded aniticipation for the swelling to set in. Sure enough, within two hours my finger was immobile, red, painful, and the swelling was creeping down the back of my hand. Another hour and the blisters doubled in size.

I went to a very nearby pharmacy and asked the pharmacist on duty what would be good to put on it. No one has ever been able to find anything to help it clear up. I've been to two doctors. I should have known. I almost laughed when the woman asked in a very heavy foreign accent if I had been hiking in poison ivy. It was worth a try. I shrugged and did what I usually do; I closed my eyes and just picked an ointment to try (Fyi, anti fungal isn't the key!).

I am now sitting here with this stupid finger that aches all the way to my elbow. Eventually the blisters will burst and the skin will peel much like a severe burn. It usually takes about four months for it to heal. It is alway on the same finger and it is always on the side of one of the joints in said finger.

I am hoping that someone out there can shed some light on this painful problem and dare I hope, someone might have a solution. I truly think this has something to do with me going off met for a couple of weeks. I haven't had them since going on met. I had to come off of it while I was sick and have been gradually getting back on track. Curse PCOS!

If I haven't grossed you out too much, go over to Mel's and see what the rest of the class is showing.

The Wall

The last time that I stared at a stark white hpt, something snapped in me. I think I hit the infertile's version of "the wall." I wasn't ready to see a looming impassable wall staring me down. I just shut down and turned away, sitting in the middle of the road until I could decide what to do next. I didn't cry. I just turned away.

Hubby and I have one more try with clomid and my doc. That last try is on the other side of the wall along with my desire to put my body through more frustration and unnatural turmoil. Clomid is rough on my body. The side effects I experience aren't unusual or extreme. Still, when that particular cycle is over, I feel drained and worn down. Could it be mental or emotional? Sure, I suppose, but one thing I learned through this process is how to listen to my body. That last cycle, my body spoke loud and clear!

We have taken several breaks over the last six years. Usually there is a degree of guilt and panic that settles into the vacant spaces left by temping and calendar obsessing. This time, with the wall staring down on me, there was no guilt. I felt no panic. I just had an overwhelming desire to walk away and never turn back.

The past couple of weeks have been very healing. Many people have come out of the woodworks with stories and words of love that I just can't chalk up to coincidence. The women's bible study that I help my mom do, just happened to speak so profoundly to infertility one night that floodgates burst open with someone very close to me ( a post about that later. It deserves a whole one). I was very affected by the lesson and brought it home for Hubby to watch again with me. It brought me peace and a decision.

Infertility takes such a strong hold on our world and I think that we forget how important it is to take care of ourselves through the process. To sustain a successful pregnancy and bring a baby home is the ultimate goal, but if we are not okay when that baby comes home, I don't think we can be the most effective parent we can be. I have been forced to allow infertility to rob me of the magic and wonder of starting a family. I will never have faith in my body or hope that I might deserve my deepest desires. I refuse to allow infertility to rip away the joy of being a new parent. If I ever have a child I want to enjoy every second. I earned that right. I have to be okay so that is possible.

I filled out my application for college a couple of weeks before our last cycle. My mom asked what I would do if it worked. My first gut instinct was to tell her "Don't worry, it won't." Instead, I just replied, "If God lets me have a child, I will do whatever is necessary to take the very best care of my child." In August I will become a student once again. I am determined to finish my degree this time. I only lack two years. When I finish, I think I will feel more together and satisfied with my life and my ability to parent. My future child gives me enormous motivation to get done quickly and do it well.

It's funny. As infertiles we search desperately and endlessly to be joined with our child. With Mother's Day approaching, we all need to remember, we are already mothers and we are doing everything we can to take care of our babies... even before they come to us. I don't think there is any better display of a true mother's love.

Too Cute Tuesday... Ouch with a cherry on top

Monday morning as roll was called, the teacher stopped to ask one little girl if her mother was coming to help us with reading today.

Little Girl's reply...

Oh, uh - no. She can't come. She sprinkled her ankle.

Chick out my show and tell!

As promised although fast and furiously typed....

Guess what we've been doing in our class?

This is as adorable as these things ever get for me. I don't like them. They stink from beginning to end. I will admit, I would totally suck as a farm girl! Still, this one pic turned out sweet and cuddly eh?

Go check out the rest of the class!