Dreaming of that moment...

Things in our house have been rather intense for a few weeks and I apologize about my absence lately. We are much better now and things are looking up. Winter did a rather nasty number on my mood this year too and for the first time in a few months I feel like I can breathe again!

I went to bed last night after sitting up talking to hubby for several hours. We just took a night to hang out on the bed with the pups and chit chat. It was wonderful to have that connection again. When we finally stretched out for the night (at 4 am lol) I was rather tired but for once I fell very quickly to sleep with happy thoughts floating around.

I dreamed last night and it was a glorious dream. It was one of those "vivid, so real you could smell the smells and hear the sounds" kind of dreams. I dreamed that I was at the hospital and they were wheeling me into an OR. The next thing I remember is hubby saying "Oh isn't she beautiful!" I was then fast forwarded into recovery where a doc was checking out my stitches and the nurse was telling me that everything was fine. I kept asking to see my baby and the nurse told me that it wasn't time yet. The nurse kept asking me to wiggle my toes and I kept saying "Look! I can wiggle my toes!" Finally she looked down (It confused me too but it is a dream right?) and saw my wiggling digits and told me I would be put in a room and that they would bring me the baby soon.

At this point I remember asking myself where hubby was and then it was all movie like where I could see what he was seeing and doing. It was like I had become him. He walked to the nursery and looked frantically at all the babies. He kept thinking "No that isn't ours. That one definitely doesn't belong to us...where is she.." The nurse saw him and held up the baby she was working with and gave him a questioning look. He shook his head and went around the corner to see from a different angle. In the window he saw a warmer where they take the newest ones to be cleaned and checked when they first get in the nursery and he could just make out the first letter in our name on the paper beside her. He ran back around the corner to get a better look and sure enough. She was ours.

She was a squirmy little thing and a bit bigger than some of the other babies but not a large baby by any means. She was scrunching up her face and wriggling her arms and legs and then....

She turned her head and caught hubby's/my eye. She just froze there and looked into my eyes and I into hers. That moment.....

I have thought about the first time I saw my baby many times but I've not really taken time to imagine that moment when we lock eyes for the first time. It took my breath away. I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes and a tiny teeny shard of hope. I have a taste now even if it is only a dream and I can't let it go. These dreams I guess are called dreams because they give us a taste of what is to come and hope to keep going when we reach the end of the rope for the last one. Maybe eventually we can chain enough dreams together that they come full circle and finally come true all at once....

Happy Saint Patrick's Day tomorrow! This is one of my favorite holidays! Hubby's birthday is the 18th, my fav color is green, and rainbows are so important to me. It is also the time of the year when I can finally brush the cold off and get ready for spring so it usually signifies my winter blues melting away and happy days to follow! I hope you can get as much happiness and fun out of it as me!