Tuesday, June 25, 2013

12 weeks!

Sea monkey is 12 weeks today! My doctor insisted with both Espe and this one that nine weeks was our "safe marker", but I have always heard that it was 12 weeks we should look to. I realize that anything can happen at any time, and this most certainly doesn't eliminate all of my fears, but I have to admit, it does help me feel better that sea monkey has finally crossed this milestone.

I think it also helps that I am starting to really get a little belly going on down there. I spend more and more time with my hand on my belly and a smile on my face. I have frequent moments every single day where the love I have for this tiny person becomes overwhelming and a few tears usually follow.

Fear is still a struggle for me. I worry about every day things like car accidents or falls. I get nervous sometimes going down our steps even though I'm certainly not big enough to have any balance issues yet. I get nervous about sleeping wrong, moving wrong, breathing wrong.... sometimes my anxiety can be a bit irrational.

Then, I have some fears that really get me at my core. I still watch the toilet paper very closely. I'm just now starting to relax a little with the increased "dampness" down there. This week my nausea has really appeared to subside for the most part. I know that is normal, but it still makes me anxious. I also get really scared sometimes that the baby is not okay and I just don't know it. This is probably the most profound fear and it is the one that affects me most often. I'm so scared of my doctor's appointment. I feel like it is years away (July 8th) and I worry that he won't find the heartbeat, or something will be wrong. I am planning to buy a Doppler this weekend, just to help me with that. I know I won't need it so much once I can feel the baby move, but I really think the peace of mind hubs and I will get from this far outweighs any practicality.

I keep trying to convince myself that my growing belly, the bathroom breaks every two hours at night, the constant hunger, and just as constant gas, are all signs that this baby is just fine. Everything seems to be happening just like the books say which suggests it's going to be okay. It's just so hard to believe after everything we have been through that this will turn out the way it should.

I hope this little person already knows how incredibly loved, adored, and wanted she (or he) is. I'm going to work really hard this week to relax and truly enjoy being pregnant. I might even start saying that word out loud more often.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013


I knew it had been a while, but I didn't realize it had been almost a month. I'm very sorry for leaving everyone hanging for so long. I'll save everyone a little suspense from the start. Everything seems to be just fine right now. I'm still a bit anxious about things, but I'm working really hard to obey doctor's orders and enjoy the ride ahead.

We went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago and everything was lovely! We saw a beautiful little sea monkey with tiny hands and feet. We heard a spectacular heartbeat at 179 which blows my mind! The doctor said the baby was measuring 8 weeks 4 days, which isn't what my dates say at all. I remember though that with Espe his dates were off according to the more sophisticated ultrasound we had at the hospital, so for now I'm sticking to my dates. I know there is a little give on the dates in early u/s anyway.

That puts us at just past 11 weeks today people!

The doctor told us at our last appointment that we could relax and enjoy this one. There were instances of people miscarrying beyond that point, but by seeing a heartbeat and a wiggly little one at 9 weeks, he was confident our odds of miscarriage were tiny. I have been clinging to that reassurance for two weeks now and I am starting to breathe a little.

I did have one incident last week where I felt just miserable sick and could not get out of bed for two days without intense heart pounding nausea. I had no energy, no appetite, and I felt like there was a lot of pressure on my bladder. I did go to the doctor, but aside from a urine check for a UTI and a lecture on dehydration, he didn't check anything. He just sat down and talked to me, reassuring me that everything was okay and again that we were in his opinion as in the clear as anyone could be.

The past couple of days, my nausea has been very minimal. I'm trying to take that as a good sign that maybe the second trimester really is on it's way and nausea will soon be a thing of the past. I still need a nap most days, or at least some down time, and I do get horribly bloated and gassy at least once a day, but I feel pretty good.

I do have a confession. People have started poking me a bit about my tummy. I had to work really hard to ignore my urge to restrict my diet the first few weeks. My appetite thank goodness was insatiable. Unfortunately, carbs are about the only thing that help with the nausea I get. My usual raw diet is horrid for gas and bloating, so I did gain quickly. It's really starting to bother me now. I can't wear any of my clothes at all. I actually went yesterday and bought some maternity clothes at a thrift store. I figured I may as well go on and invest in a few items rather than buying regular clothes I couldn't wear very long. I'm just scared I'm going to gain too much. I'm also a bit embarrassed that my belly is already starting to poke out. I could use any reassurance out there that this is okay.

I'm hoping that the nausea will ease up even more and I can return to some of my more healthy food options in the next couple of weeks. I'm also hoping to get back to working out a little. The moment I found out I was pregnant, I just stopped working out or doing anything strenuous. I was so scared and hubs was too. We agreed it would be better for us if I stopped until the second trimester. It's hot outside right now, so I think my stationary bike will be a safe option for now.

This turned out to be a bit longer than I intended. I suppose a picture would be a nice end to the day right?