Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I'm still here...

Congrats to the winner of my blanket! I hope that some sweet baby somewhere gets lots of wonderful restful nights from it! Lots of love and hope went into it!

As for my blogging...or lack there of....

Funny story. I seem to have forgotten that I have told you all that I was coming off this Migraine med. I had this great post all typed out and then I remembered. Jeepers. This memory loss thing is on my nerves!

Anyhoo, the paper did come to our restaurant and I wrote an article. We were the first ones to actually get anything published in the local paper from our school. I like to think it had to do with my article! (Let me dream people!)

We just started back to school today. We have been on Spring Break and I and don't feel like I got much of a break. I did our spring cleaning. I am preparing for our walk through at what I thought was the end of this month for us to re sign our lease. Now I'm not so sure though. Oh well, all my closets are pretty again and I feel like I have regained control of my house.

I am down to four pills a day. I'm ready to be off it completely but if I skip a dose I get major headaches and I get real sick feeling so I guess I need to just step it down still. Grrrrr.

I'm very sorry for my absence lately. Hubby and I have been going through some really tough times lately and my stress level is at an all time max. I tell you I don't ever remember a time when I was this stressed out about life. Bear with me, we're gonna get through it somehow!

I really need to get in the bed I suppose. I have managed to catch a cold somewhere and I feel terrible so I slept all afternoon and half the night. Now I am very tired but with all this coughing and sniffling and achy stuff I just don't want to sleep. Maybe tomorrow is a call in sick day....hmmm.....

Sunday, April 6, 2008

C'mon and Bid!!!

Just a reminder as I nurse yet another wonderful headache today that there is some healthy bidding to be had over at the uterus page! Get on over there and take a look!!!!

This is just another pic of the blanket I have up there. I promise you it is as scrumptiously soft and wonderful as it looks! I held onto it for months but for a cause like this I s'pose I can always make another right?

Thursday, April 3, 2008


I don't have too much today to say. I have a ton of things swirling around but it is taking a ton of time to type out one word. I have gone back time and time to retype a word and then retype it again so it isn't a good blog night. I have felt my brain fill and empty and refill again. I started my 6 pill a day week and I guess it is affecting me in a bizarre way. I can't think clearly and I feel muddy.

I have a very mild dull ache in my head that moves from place to place but has eased off a bit since we left Dan and Dot's and their very bright living room with their very vocal little girl! I still have that weird eye thing I get where my eyes feel heavy and and droopy and the edges are kind of blurry so I know I have a doozy coming. I wanted to come home to take some medicine but I hate to until I know for sure that it has started truly hurting so I guess I'm just gonna sit here in the dark and quiet and wait.

Until then I am going to go hang out on the couch and quietly watch a movie in the dark and hope the storm can pass me over. Sorry bout that. Hopefully tomorrow I can piece together enough words to make up a decent post for once!

I will tell you we are doing a restaurant for the kids at school tomorrow! I'm excited! I made up this menu, and we are ordering in pizza. We have table cloths and fancy napkins. We named the restaurant and gave them several drink choices, desert choices, chips, etc. They get to "order" their food and then we will write them a "ticket" and they will bring it to us with a bag of play money and they have to count out and "pay" us! We've been teaching them money and thought this would be a fun way to end the unit. We even got our amazing music teacher to provide some live music for our little italian cafe! Should be fun and I'm going to get pictures! The newspaper is supposed to come too! Yay!

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

My blogs runneth over!

Lately, there are so many things that I just need to blog about! It has been a bit overwhelming to say the least! I'm so excited about it though! I guess it will "out" my geekiness but I get a bit of a rush out of the clack of my keyboard as I excitedly gush out a post or pour over a new essay idea! I've been excited lately to have new things to spill out in any form I can manage and medicine or no medicine I'm going to fight to get them out!

I was nosying around over at Mel's and I saw her post! I got this giddy rush of excitement and I went to grab a blanket out of the basket that sits by my glider rocker in my living room. There is such a story here.

Over the summer we had a very large number of babies due in our circle at church and at work. Our Sunday School class (A class of about 10 couples) had 5 babies alone! Well that meant lots of baby showers! It got expensive and with me being out of school and back from my Belarus trip I was a bit bored. We had been crocheting hats for our trip for months and months so I needed to do something. Why not make more blankets? I set to work and everyone got lovely original blankets for their babies. Well almost everyone. I got to a point where I made this one blanket and I just stopped. I wasn't sad. I wasn't angry. Infact, I went out and bought a nice gift and went to the shower and life went on. I just could not give that blanket to anyone. I had it wrapped up and ready to go, but I could not part with it. I loved it. I decided it wasn't meant to be and I tucked it away in the basket until it was clear who it was to go to.

I'm not sure if you have ever crocheted or something of the sort before but when you pour your love into the projects each one becomes its own. No one thing is ever the same and usually I give a gift to someone based on who I feel it belongs to. Blankets like that get passed down and stay in families most times. It is important I think to at least be aware of those little gut feelings you get if any. So anyway, sorry for the rant...This blanket sat and sat. Until today!

After reading that post I got the overwhelming urge to send my blanket and I am so excited that it will hopefully soon have a home! It is one of my favorites and I can't wait to know that it will be cuddling a small one soon! I am working on more blankets for the cause and I hope you go on over to donate your items to the cause as well!

This is an awesome thing and I can't wait to see what amazing things we all do! I am always in awe of the love and support I find from this circle of ladies and friends that infertility has led me into. I know how painful this journey has been but in the end despite the pain I can still say I have been blessed!

What was I saying....

I've been so excited about a few posts I truly wanted to share with you all lately and I've really got my writing juices flowing again lately. Spring is finally here and the winter depression is starting to lift a bit. I want to tell you about my new job (as insane and crazy as it is and I can't wait to hear you tell me what a glutton for torture I have become). I would love to gush like school girls with you about my latest midnight rantings with hubby concerning our feelings towards our current childless situation. They are truly beautiful and we are becoming closer with every confession or tear we share although I will have to admit I am a bit grumpier with the kids at school after a 3 hour night of sleep. I would love to jot down some ideas I've had about new writings and funny things the pups have been doing. The kids at school have been at an all time high with their antics and life is just full of silly things to write about BUT...

This new migraine medicine I am on. It is called Topamax if I remember correctly. It has seemingly fried my brain. I'm serious. I'm not sure what I am going to do at this point. I really need for it to work and I would think that the logic behind the forgetfulness and loss of words would be the same logic that would create similar problems with any other daily medication I took for this sort of thing. It is a very scary thing to get stuck in your head. I will be sitting involved in an activity and radomly get up and move on to another room and just sit there not knowing why I got up or why I moved into that room. A few moments later I will realize that I was doing something and I will go back to the other room. This may just sound silly or funny to some but imagine that you are trying to cook something when that happens. Thank goodness, the one time that situation has truly happened, hubby was here and took charge. It was scary and gave us both a huge dose of reality with this medicine. This isn't something to just mess around with or just take and forget about. It is a real problem that isn't going away and it is seriously affecting our lives now.

I can work around the forgetfulness with activities. I can play that off. It only bruises my ego a bit and truly it only lasts a couple of minutes at the most. The one thing that has gotten me the hardest though has been my words. I have always thrived on words. When I was a little girl, my favorite games were vocabulary games with my mom. I didn't realize they were vocab games but she being a teacher taught me how powerful a strong vocabulary could be in the right hands. I loved it and very early on I wanted to put it on paper. With this medication, I have started faltering. I lose simple words easily. My daily love notes to hubby are misspelled at best. I reminded him of our "breaks" on the car this morning for example. I also get overwhelmed at other people's words so easily. I will get stuck on their word and while trying to figure that one out my brain creates a backup so to speak and I get very frustrated and angry. I get overwhelmed and I just want to explode and lash out. It takes me much longer to get out a sentence now and when hubby interrupts, trying to help me find my words I lash out in irritation.

It has taken me so long to write this post tonight. Much longer than normal. I have to stop and think about my words so carefully. Often times it back fires. I think about a word for several seconds and I forget entire conversations or thoughts. I have reread this entire post three or four times I am certain by now but I can't remember doing it at all. I pray that I have covered up my tracks tonight on here but I can't be sure. I don't do well at proof reading because I make so many mistakes now. I miss things and I forget things so much. It is frustrating at best and terrifying at worst but given this or the migraines every single day I guess this is better. I have to be able to help support our family whether I can flip a burger or write an eloquent novel right?

I have researched and hunted. I have asked and prayed. Apparently this is just a side effect that can't be helped. For some it is temporary and for others it isn't. If you have any experience, your words of encouragement would be welcome and most appreciated. If you don't please understand that things are a bit mushy right now but we will all make it through. This is just another bit of proof that I am definitely a fractured rainbow for now.