Sunday, August 16, 2009

What a pill....

AF showed up a couple of weeks ago. In her natural fashion she showed up weeks late (thankfully only two) and now she has decided to hang out and have an extended vacation. I want her to go away. I have cut out all sugar, white flour, taters, corn products, sodas, and anything else that doesn't resemble cardboard in order to convince her to behave. Still, she remains.

Normally, this is no biggie. I just put in a call to my doc, take the necessary dose of provera and move on. This time, I just can't. I don't know how to explain it without sounding ridiculous, I mean medicine is only medicine, but I can't take provera. For one thing, it does horrible hideous things to my body. AF resembles a red version of that huge marshmallow dude in Ghost Busters, and the pain is a whole other issue. Even that I could manage though.

I just can't face the feeling of being back in the swing of things. I can't deal with making my body do something it very obviously can't do. I don't want to sit here drowning in pools of sweat, pleading with the heavens to make it snow in August, wondering the whole time if I might accidentally ovulate after it is all over. It makes my stomach lurch at just the thought.

Hubby has thrown more than a few jests my way, claiming that the first day of class I will take a pregnancy test, only to find it positive. Now I know that this is not going to happen. I fear that it will happen, but the odds are very heavily stacked against it. It feel so strange to be so against something that I have pleaded with God for every day for years, but I don't want to raise my baby in the life that I am living right now. I currently have three jobs and a full time college schedule. I would have no time to enjoy what I want to cherish so much.

All of that aside, my body is not working. The met is doing nothing for me. The only way that I was able to even mildly slow my flowing river was to cut out anything my husband would eat. Now I cook two meals, shop for two, and watch him drown his fries in ketchup, while I scarf down yet another salad or bunless chicken sandwich.***

I started thinking about all this the other day and wondered how wonderful it would be to only have to worry about a small period every few months. I wondered if the new versions of birth control pills could be better than the horrid stuff I took ten years ago. That stuff made me nuts. I can't explain it. I was just insane. It is the one reason I am not on it right now. I didn't want to think about adding a new level of insanity to my already heightened level of crazy, amidst a wacko schedule this year. Still, I find myself leaning towards that more and more.

How decadent it would feel to plan for a period only four or five times a year without having to carry a bucket around and a covered wagon full of pads. I would feel like a normal woman for once and Hubby could no longer taunt me with threats of miraculous conception.

What do ya think? Anyone have any experience to add to the mix?

I'm sorry I've been gone so much lately. This three job thing has gotten a little out of hand lately. I think I have solved that problem. Hopefully, things will be a little more manageable from now on.

***Don't get me wrong. I know there are plenty of things to cook and eat that are truly wonderful and fit within the healthy PCOS guidelines, however with only five hours a day to eat sleep and bathe, it hasn't been possible to cook two meals and take the time (or money) to shop for "safe" foods.


Amanda said...

I used to take yasmin (which now has a generic, FYI) to regulate my cycles. I like it and it was supposed to help with my skin too. I didn't like having a period either, so I would take 3 packs of active pills consecutively (9 weeks) and then off a week. It worked really well, I think I only had break through bleeding once doing that. And my flows were always very light/med on it, so that was good too. So you don't have to buy the fancy pills specially packaged for fewer periods per year if you don't want to, just make sure what ever you get is a monophasic pill. The Nuva ring might work well for this too (but I've never used it).

I will warn you about dealing with ins. if you have coverage similar to mine: My company likes to dole out 3 month perseciptions, but if you take your pills like this, really 3 months is 4 packages and your dr. will probably have to write your special dosing instructions on the package to get your pharmacy and ins to pay out correctly. I had to battle my company on this a few times, but they eventually got it right.

But a plus of the pill is that it will probably fix your bleeding and you can skip the provera. Good luck. I hope you get some relief.

The Lynchs said...

Yuck. I have been there - more months than I care to count. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this!

I don't know how you feel about herbs, but have you looked into Vitex? I just recently started it, and my cycles have been more normal, even more so than when I was taking Met.