Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Empty house syndrome

We had a very interesting weekend.Thursday hubby decided to quit his job. Not good timing and not a good move in my opinion but whatever. I'm not going to stress about it until next week. On Friday, since he didn't work we went to Dot and Dan's house to play Wii (omg love it!) and hang out. Somewhere in there hubby and Dan decided that hubby and I would babysit for the weekend while Dot and Dan went out alone. Hmmm... anyone see any red flags? I didn't at first.

Saturday afternoon they unpacked the Uhaul and delivered a squirmy smiley baby to our house with all her stuff. It was quite amusing to see. The only experience we have with babies in our house centers around our nephew and his teenage parents who only brought a couple of diapers and a bottle with them if we were lucky. So you can imagine when they brought all the cool baby stuff with her we were like kids in a candy shop. It was like getting a Barbie for Christmas with the house and the cool car and Ken and the shoes! Wow!

It was kind of funny because she is so laid back and we weren't quite sure what to do with her. We pulled out and dusted off our pack n play for her to sleep in and we settled in for a fun night. It was a blast. She was so happy and we just cuddled and played with her all night. She went to bed at 10 and woke up around 4 for a bottle and was back down till about 7.

I have to say here though... my favorite part of the weekend was Sunday morning. It was amazing and I woke up just in a dream world. I woke up to a coo (Of course I was super vigilant even in my sleep and the first noise woke me). It was a beautiful coo. She talked to herself and played with her feet. She stayed there for about 45 minutes and I just watched and listened. I just soaked in that rare moment of bliss. It was so cool!

We got up and I fed her and changed her and took her with me to drop off some chili for a fundraiser at church and then guiltily I came back home to enjoy every moment I could.

They picked her up around three and hubby and I both braced for the silence. It wasn't so horrible. We both found ways to cover it up and cope. But there was one thing I wasn't prepared for and I warn you about volunteering if you haven't to babysit for someone.

All night every time I walked to the bathroom it was there. It just sat there empty. I avoided it like the plague and fell asleep on the couch. I went to work on Monday and did not allow myself to look at it as I dressed and left. Then when I came home, we got into a tiff about jobs and such and all I could think about was the bed sitting in our room out of sight but certainly not out of mind. It ate at my soul and I finally burst into tears in the middle of our cool down and asked hubby to please take it down. Tears welled up in his eyes too and he said "I was hoping we could leave it up a while." My heart broke into a million pieces.

He had never put it up or taken it down so he had no idea what he was doing and of course he had to stop and ask me to help. We just shut the bedroom door for a while until I could muster enough gumption to go and take it down and tearfully pack it carefully back in our baby closet.

They have asked us to babysit again in a couple of weeks and I would love to more than anything. The whole air in our house changes with her here and life is so good. But, I'm terrified. I don't know if I can do it again.

How do you manage this if at all?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is an achingly lovely post. My heart hurts for you - I know how you feel, since I both love and hate caring for my toddler nephews - and I wanted to offer my support. (HUG)