Sunday, February 3, 2008

We are never allowed a break...

It just isn't fair.

They have been through so much and then for this to happen.

I have only known ME through the blogging world and infact I have never even delurked to tell her hello but I still felt like I was right there with her. When I read those words the tears ran hot and fast down my face. She is one of us. She knows how I feel. When she says I understand, I know she truly does. She has been down my road and we wear the same shoes. The pain I feel for her is unbearable and I wish I could just be there holding her hand and crying with her. I know in spirit we all are though.

When something like this happens it just reminds me that where we go the monster is never far behind. It feels as though we are never allowed a moment to forget or just to breathe and feel normal. In the past few weeks I have heard from so many new IF moms that even the new life they hold in their arms doesn't erase the pain and scars they have. It just seems so unfair and I've really struggled with my decision to move forward with our plan. We have halted for the moment only to allow spring to come and for me to find a happier more hopeful place but as we close in on March I can't help but feel swallowed up with the helplessness that IF carries with it.

I feel as if no matter what I do or where I turn I'm still going to be looking over my shoulder. I'm terrified and I'm struggling to find the strength to move on to the next step. I feel like I am walking on a sheet of glass and one wrong step could shatter our world completely.

This is a sad day and my prayers and thoughts are with you Mary Ellen and Steve. I'm so so sorry.

No comments: