I have been spending a lot of time at my parents' house recently. Loneliness has taken over my house and my usual tricks to fill the silence haven't worked. When Hubby goes to work I pack up a few things and hang out over there until he gets off work and things aren't so quiet anymore.
Friday I was watching television and Flashpoint came on. I've never seen it before, but Dad said it was good so I settled in to watch it. The show just happened to be dealing with a baby (of course). The episode dealt with a young girl and boy. The boy had gotten scared and left when the girl became pregnant. In his absence she did what she felt was best for her child. She found an infertile family through an agency and provided her son with a family that could provide for him. The show was heartwrenching and provided an unusual point of view from the birth father and mother.
Amidst the drama and action of the story, I found one aspect of the show that left me unsettled and frustrated. I realized that most movies or television shows depict adoptive parents and birth parents in the same stereotypical light. The family that adopted the little boy was a wealthy couple with a large home and expensive decor throughout. The birth mother was unmarried, young, and alone.
I feel like this is such a misrepresentation of adoption. I think it is the reason why Hubby and I are so afraid to explore the option. Celebreties in the media haven't helped the situation, waving around their millions and gettiing special expedited adoptions. It makes me feel like without a huge home and fancy original gallery pieces, we are unworthy of parenting a child.
Now in reality, I know of several couples in our community that disprove this stereotype. Infact, one of my coworkers and good friends happens to be one such couple. She is a teacher and her husband is a police officer. They don't make a heap of money, but they have the most beautiful little girl and she has everything she could ever need and then some. Still, it makes it harder to consider that opinion with so many conflicting signals out there.
I have always been open to adoption, but Hubby is still on the fence. I know some of his setbacks come from things he has seen and heard on television and in the media. It makes me wonder how many other families are out there that have shaky feelings about adoption because of the media's misguided depictions.
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4 comments:
hollywood sucks for that hey??? I know my hubby was on the fence too, but going to the adoption orientations and getting more info on it really helped him see that is was something we both wanted to do!
Hollywood really sucks when it comes to dealing with ALL aspects of infertility. Hell, they couldn't even leave the fabulous story of Children of Men alone. They couldn't leave it so the men were the ones with the infertility issues. They had to make the women the infertile ones.
Hollywood had nothing to do with our decision not to adopt, and go with IVF. Hubby works with social workers on a regular basis as a guardian ad lidem, and he was not very impressed with how social services works. He is not willing to put up with that much of an invasion of privacy in order to have a chance of getting a child. IVF is a different type of invasion, and it is the type of invasion we can deal with. That was how we made our decision.
as an infertile, an adopted person, a woman using surrogacy, and an adoption social worker. please do not take anything hollywood does seriously. yes, adoption can feel invasive, but i promise you it is not nearly as bad as you think it will be.
please let me know if there is anything i can do to help, or any questions i can answer.
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