Friday, October 9, 2009

Weight a Minute.

I've been a little quiet lately. I need time to process and reflect on what I am doing. I feel like my life is completely consumed with the goings on of my body again. This is why we quit ttc for a while. I needed time to focus on me and just enjoy being a human being. This is no fun.

I finished the last dose of provera for the month this morning. Already the cramping is intense and icky. I actually had a little breakthrough bleeding two nights ago. It was very brief and barely noticeable, but I've never ever had that happen on provera before. I'm not sure what it meant, but since it wasn't there the next morning and I only had two pills left, I just went on with life.

I've been very diligent with my diet and exercise. I'm nearing obsession at this point. I eat 1200-1400 calories a day. I walk with hubby a mile or two every day. I try to throw in sit ups, extra steps, and extra activities as my energy allows. My energy is still crap though so this isn't easy to do. As of right now, I've only officially lost two whole pounds. This is more than frustrating. I have until December to make a significant change in my weight, I eat mostly lettuce and chicken, and I still can't manage to shed the pounds. How is all of this going to work?

Most days I reach a breaking point where I just want to throw in the towel or hold up my hand and tell everyone and everything to just stop for a minute and let me catch my breath. I feel like nothing I do ever works and I am swimming upstream for a minute. Still, I can't let go of those images I have in the back of my brain where Hubby and I are staring down at this red, wrinkled up little person that we have brought into the world.

Why does this have to be so hard?


Amanda said...

Sorry it is so hard. I suck at losing weight and it's hard for me too and I wish I had some tips that could help. The only thing I would recommend is staying away from sweets, which at 1200-1400 calories per day you are probably doing, but stay away from diet stuff too (esp diet soda). The fake sugar causes more cravings for me.

Good luck. 2 lbs is a start, and as more comes off it will get easier.

Kristin said...

{{{Hugs}}}...sometimes, if you cut back so drastically on the calories, it can send your body into "starvation" mode where it fights losing weight for fear of going hungry. I think you are off to a great start.

Rebecca said...

I'm so sorry things have been so hard on you. Hang in there...I left something for you on my blog that might cheer you up! :)

Photogrl said...

It sucks when you try, try, try and don't see much of a loss!

Big, HUGE ((HUGS)) for you!