Hope and feathers

Yesterday was such a hard day. I did decide to go to work yesterday but I made sure to take it really easy and put the kids in front of a movie. I took a bathroom break once I got them set up and the bleeding had amped up a little. It was now showing on a pad. I panicked. I called hubs at work, took the kids to their parents and off to the ER we went.

We decided to go to our local hospital because hubs had left work and needed to get back if possible. The doctor there was wonderful and took care to check everything from my blood levels, to my cervix, to an in depth u/s. Everything came back wonderful. The u/s tech was so kind. She immediately went to the baby's heartbeat for us before doing her measurements, just for peace of mind, then returned at the end of the scan to let us spend some time watching the baby and hearing him. There are simply not words in any human language that could come close to describing the feeling I get when I hear that sound. The baby measured 6w 4d, which is right on target with what I thought. The cervix was closed up tight, and my hcg was 5 or 6 thousand, which they said was right in line with what they wanted it to be.

The doc came back later to tell us that I had placenta previa and that I was to be on strict bedrest until a follow up hcg and exam with my ob on Wednesday. I questioned the previa dx, but we went with it and left with a smile on our faces. We stopped to get something to eat before heading home. I only walked from the car to a chair. The nurse had told me as long as the bleeding was light I could even go to church the next day, so we didn't see any harm.

**** This might be a bit graphic for some, sorry, just a warning****

We got up to leave and I felt a large clot. I took off to the bathroom and sure enough, there was a large clot. I cleaned up, took a deep breath and headed back to hubs. I had no idea what to do. We decided to see if we could stop by and just ask them if things were okay. There was a shift change though and they insisted on seeing me again. I had no cramping to speak of, but I was petrified. The doc talked to us, basically said there's nothing we can do, bump your appointment up to Monday, just go home and wait. Before being discharged I had another large clot almost the size of my palm. I was devastated. The nurse that discharged me just shook her head and said unfortunately, nature can be cruel sometimes, and they sent us home shattered and in tears. We were certain we were going home to miscarry.

Hubs got angry and insisted I call my ob who was on call at a much larger hospital (the one we will deliver at) for the weekend. He called back very quickly and I am so blessed to have him. He was so kind and reassuring. He told me it was impossible for me to have a previa diagnosis so early and that he was still confident that our baby was okay. He agreed that I should remain on complete bedrest until Monday but that he would see me as soon as he opened Monday morning and he promised us another u/s to make sure things were okay.

I came home and passed another large clot, this one smaller than the first two, but still large. After that, I haven't passed any more though and the bleeding has slowed significantly. In fact the only time I have really had any bleeding is when I had the clots. I am resting and per the advice of both ER docs and my doc, keeping things really calm and quiet. I am trying to stay positive and hopeful.

I am overwhelmed by my love for this little person. It really floors me how I feel about him or her. I know without a shadow of doubt that I would go to the ends of the Earth for this baby if that's what it took and I know that hubs feels the same way. It is an amazing, and very powerful feeling. I hope no matter what happens, this little person knows how unconditionally and completely he or she is loved and wanted by both of us.