Tuesday, February 19, 2013


It's been a while hasn't it?

Posting here got so painful and I finally got to a place where I didn't want to think about having a baby anymore. I honestly gave up and decided that adoption was our only option. Don't misunderstand me, adoption has always been in our plan, but like most parents, we did hold out hope for a biological child too.

The past year has been painful to say the least. I had a student that was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. It really hit me hard. I had struggled with another horrible cycle of migraines that left me with memory loss, speech impairment, and temporary blindness. I was going to school full time, working two jobs, and still dealing with the idea that we might never be parents. All of the crazy led me down a nasty dark road. My student passed away in December, which just made things harder.

The new year rolled in with a new me. I went from a size 24 to a size 8. I lost about 120 pounds in about ten months. I won't say I did it in an entirely healthy way. The schedule I kept alone almost destroyed me. I was working out every day, going to class four days a week, working 6 days a week, and averaging about four hours of sleep every night thanks to some difficult scheduling and one vehicle. Looking back at all the crazy I was dealing with, it's no wonder I stopped paying attention to my periods. I had stopped all of my hormone medications, so there wasn't really a need to know when things happened, and I had given up, with many things taking priority.

Fast forward a few weeks, I thought my habits had caused my period to stop completely. I scheduled an appointment with my doctor to be put back on Provera and try to get things started again. On a whim the weekend before my appointment, a friend from work urged me to take a test. I finally decided it wouldn't hurt.

I can't tell you the amount of tears, anxiety, fear, and cautious joy that hubs and experienced that weekend. We have never seen this before. Ten years, and never has this happened. We had a very faint line once in our first year of marriage, but never anything like this.

The following week I went in for my annual exam and to discuss prenatal appointments. Today we had our first real prenatal appointment. I had no idea when my last period was, so I was clueless about how far along we might be. We estimated about 6 weeks and scheduled an ultrasound for today. We were off on the date it seems. We are only about 5 weeks pregnant right now, but we have a priceless picture and we heard the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. This tiny little flicker on the screen gave off a strong, loud heartbeat!

Hubs' eyes lit up like a kid at Christmas and there have been many tears and smiles all afternoon. I know it's early, but we have told everyone close to us. We decided the first day, that we had waited ten years for this and if for some reason it was only meant to be a short lived experience, we would cherish every single moment and celebrate with the people that have prayed with us and hoped with us for so long! I'm glad we made that decision. I know there are tons of people praying for and wishing that this little blueberry will stick around. Already, the love I feel for this little person is unbelievable!

I just had to share it with all of you too! You have been here in the thick of it with us. I know many of those in our fold are still in the gnarly horrible nightmare of infertility, and I pray that I can pass on a small spark of hope. It is possible.


Michelle said...

I'm not sure if I have ever posted but I apparently followed in the past because I see you on my reader list. So I wanted to comment this one and say congrats!!! I hope everything goes well, and like you said, enjoy every moment! It made my day to read this and know that someone else who's waited so so long has finally got the chance to have this experience! :)

Arian said...

Thank you. I truly feel blessed to have had so many people to share this journey with, the good and the bad.