Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Henny Penny

Even as a kid I remember wondering how in this world a chicken, or any other bird for that matter could just sit all day and wait on her eggs to hatch. I considered that a horrible insight on God's part to force her to sit patiently and quietly waiting for what must seem like eternity. I think I realized this morning that there was no mistake at all.

I am smitten with this little sea monkey. It was the same way with Espe. I want to know everything there is to know about what is going on in there. This early in the game, there isn't a lot to report though. I recognized that urge to constantly wonder as this huge desire to be with my sea monkey. I am perfectly content to sit all day and dream and visit with her (her for now). I think about her 24/7. I would love nothing more than to hold her in my hands and watch anxiously for the next 8 months. I guess that love is what keeps a hen on her nest and a robin sitting still.

I am struggling with fear over my little one lately. I am only a few short days from when we lost Espe last time and I get this icky feeling in the pit of my stomach if I think about it. Sometimes I get a bit neurotic. Every cramp, twinge, or ache sends me running to the bathroom to check for bleeding. I almost wish that I could go to sleep and stay that way until at least our first appointment in June.

That appointment is four weeks away. I'm not sure how I'll manage to wait that long. The doctor told us 8 weeks, but 10 weeks feels so much safer to me. Our odds of something happening drop significantly and there are tiny arms and legs, and she will be moving. If I can hold out that long I think I will feel better seeing her at 10 weeks than I would at 8. I just can't imagine waiting so long! I don't know how in this world I will manage to make it for the next 8 months!

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