Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Thursday's Looming

We're supposed to have our first appointment in two days. We made it to 8 weeks and so far things are going well. Despite my caution and fear, I am really starting to feel hopeful that things will turn out okay this time. It's so scary. I try to only count moments and to remind myself that every moment is a blessing I didn't have moments before. I want so much to embrace the peace I feel about the whole thing sometimes, but then just as my guard drops, I remember Espe. I remember the journey we have had to follow to get here.

So far, aside from the fear and caution things are good. I thought I would feel the same way that I did last time, especially since there was so little time between the two of them. Truth is, it's completely different. For one, I never got this far with Espe, so everything I'm experiencing now is new.

Morning sickness is different. It's more intense and it's really random. It can happen at any time, mostly if I let myself get hungry. I haven't actually gotten sick, but the nausea gets really intense to the point that I just have to stop and sit for a few minutes until it passes.

I sleep all the time. I have to have naps. There isn't really a choice. If I skip a nap I start to feel really icky and I have fallen asleep in the middle of things. Last week I dozed off during a card game with friends. I'm trying to just let my body do what it wants to do. School is out for the summer, so I am very fortunate I don't have to work for a few weeks and I can rest when I need to, or eat when I need to. It's nice to have that flexibility.

My mom did buy something for the baby last week. It terrified me at first, but I consider it a "faith purchase". She bought it because she's convinced this one is going to be okay. She got the sweetest little blanket with a monkey on the bottom of it. Hubs loved it. We tucked it away in the baby stash for now. I haven't allowed myself to shop or look at any baby stuff yet, but I really want to. I want to be excited and enjoy this as much as I can. For now I'm just going to keep counting moments.

1 comment:

Michelle said...

I was so happy to see your post that you are pregnant again. I am sure you are terrified! I am also pregnant after almost 9 years, gave up hope 2 yrs ago and got this surprise. I'm 14 weeks and just in the past week or 2 have started to feel more relaxed about this. The symptoms are a very good sign, in my opinion. I still have that random intense nausea, and same need with naps. I found the more I give in to sleep, the better the nausea feels.
Good luck at your first appt and I hope that things continue to go well and this works out. You deserve it!