Wednesday, July 17, 2013

15 weeks and I'm a wreck!

Today marks 15 weeks! Things are pretty good right now. I did feel the teeniest little kick yesterday morning. It was the most surreal feeling. The first time I wasn't sure if I was really feeling it or not, but the second one was aimed right at my bladder and there was absolutely no doubt. It was so tiny, but it made me jump. Other than that, it's mostly just wiggles, but the timing is pretty predictable now, so I know when to pay attention to them. I spend about an hour each morning lingering in the bed and giggling from time to time. It has become the highlight of my day.

I have also started to notice my balance getting a bit awkward. I haven't had any falls or real scares, but there have been several instances of my feet going one way and my body trying to go another. I also get lightheaded or sort of disoriented type feelings that make me feel like I'm going to lose my balance and fall. I can tell my center of gravity is changing and my belly tends to lead the way now. I also feel a lot of stretching and some sharp pains that I assume are round ligament pains if I move too fast or cough suddenly.

The most marked thing of late has to be my emotional state though. I've been pretty weepy from the start, but lately, I can melt into a puddle of tears over the smallest things. Television is a challenge for me. I have been sticking to realistic shows like police type shows where I can be happy they got the bad guys or I can laugh at the idiocy of some of the drunk people. Yesterday one of my shows took an unexpected turn though. An officer rushed to meet an old hunter he had known for years to help him save his dog. The dog was bitten by a rattlesnake and the officer ran with full lights and sirens with the owner behind him to get the dog to the vet in time. By the commercial break I was a sobbing mess.

It isn't just television either. There are some days that I guess I push too hard and I might get tired, hungry, overwhelmed, or all of the above and the waterworks flood. My grandmother has been giving us some troubles lately too and she seems to be lashing out at me a lot lately. I'm usually pretty patient with her, or I can at least let her silliness roll off my shoulders, but today she pulled a stunt that sent me over the edge. I tried to call my mom to update her on the new mess we were in, and before I could get the number dialed I put my face in my hands and wept.

Hubs goes out of his way to avoid arguments with me now too. It doesn't take much to set me off crying. Even if I'm mad, I just cry. Puppies, children, babies, weddings (I don't even like weddings), injuries (even the funny ones), stress, kind words, a perfectly timed hug or smile - doesn't really matter - I'm gonna cry.

Tonight my belly feels like it is in one of those taffy machines, being pulled from the inside out, and I'm really tired. I hope everyone has a lovely week. I'm going to go attempt a four hour stretch of sleep without any tears!

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