Monday, July 22, 2013


The past few weeks have been so challenging. I started branching out a bit once my sickness and fatigue eased up, but lately I know I've been pushing pretty hard. Mom and I have been frequenting the Amish auction to buy up as much produce as we can for canning and freezing. The auction is outside in the heat and usually takes several hours. After the auction, we have the task of preparing and canning all of the food as well. Right now I'm in the midst of a crazy, overwhelming pickle-fest.

My grandmother has been really pushing my patience and causing me a lot of stress as well. She's fighting us all really hard right now and unfortunately, her mental capacities are slipping from what we think is a lack of oxygen, even though she refuses to wear her oxygen in the stifling humid 100 weather we've been having.

Money is a huge, huge stressor right now. Hubs has worried incessantly about the baby and our very tight finances. There are so many uncertainties that will only be answered when sea monkey is finally here. It's wearing us both down right now though. He's not sleeping well, and he comes home most often frustrated and grumpy. Usually that's not an issue, but lately, I cry at the drop of a hat and his biggest freak out is when I cry, so our lives at home are very emotionally charged.

There are so many changes happening in our family. My sister moved out of my parents' home to a large city several hours away for the first time in her life. I have chosen to leave the church my family attends, and that I have worked at for several years, in order to attend church as a family with hubs. The upheaval with all of the canning and such has left my house in a shamble, and most of the heavy duty things like the fish tanks and the pet care (mainly the cat), all things I usually do on my own, are out of my hands now. I have to rely on other people to get things done which really stresses me out.

Today, I got up with the intention of making pickles, a huge pot of chicken and dumplings from scratch, a major house clean up, and a bit of work on my flower beds. I realized before ever even getting out of bed, that this just wasn't possible today. I stayed in bed till nearly noon, reading on and off between cat naps and bathroom breaks. When I did finally get up, I had let my hunger go unchecked. I started to fix hubs' supper for him to take to work and within minutes felt very ill. This heart pounding nausea that makes it almost hard to breathe, overtook me and I had to sit. It took almost two hours to make a meal.

I finally managed to get something on my stomach substantial enough to ease the nausea and hubs went to work. I thought finally I could work on pickles. I really wanted to get them done, but I fell asleep sitting straight up only minutes later. My head ached and I felt sort of "off". I went back to bed and stayed there until around 9 pm. Once again, hunger drove me to the kitchen, and that severe nausea, drove me back to the couch. I incinerated the bacon I was cooking because I was too sick to stand up and go take it out of the oven. Needless to say, nothing got done today.

My frustration is so high. There is so much to do. My house seems to be falling apart around me and I can't seem to catch up. I have no idea how I'm going to manage to go back to work in a couple of weeks. I think this is simply a case of pushing too hard. I hope it is anyway. Right now, I really want a long shower, but I am too tired to get up and do that. I've got to start paying more attention to the limitations my body has right now. The bigger my belly grows, the harder shopping trips and all day excursions seem to get and I'm not even halfway there yet!

There was one highlight to my unproductive day. I spent a long time in bed this afternoon feeling sea monkey wriggle around. At one point she curled up on one side of my belly and it felt sort of odd, so I prodded my belly a bit. I was rewarded with the funniest little poke back and shortly thereafter, she found a new spot to curl up. I love that I can feel her now. Sometimes I wish I could just stay in bed all day and hang out with her.

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