So many nights I lie awake dreaming about having a family. I imagine a harried family outing with hubby and I pulling our hair out in the front seat while the kids duke it out and drive us crazy in the back. I picture family portraits and all the firsts that a child has. I think about their first smile, tooth, and steps. I see our hearts busy, happy, and finally full.
Hubby and I talk about parenting quite often. We discuss things we think are ok and things we would definitely not allow. It is quite fortunate actually, that we have had this time with the subject always at the surface, to explore how we feel about certain things. Most parents don't get that chance.
A lot of these conversations occur after Dan and Dot have visited or we have been babysitting for them. They are a constant source of frustration for us. They love their daughter very much but she was unplanned and it is obvious. We have both in our own ways told them how lucky they are. We cherish the time they let us have with the baby and we love the boys just as much. They laugh at us and tell us we are crazy. I don't think we are. Are we?
These visits have brought a new fear into my life. I don't want to forget this feeling of desperate need for our child. I want our child to know every single day how much we love her/him and how hard we worked to get them. I don't want to lash out at my kid in anger or give them the impression that they are a burden to us. Hubby's parents to this day occasionally make a comment about how draining the kids are or how happy they are now that the kids are gone. I see the pain it causes him. I know that was a feeling he had often growing up.
I know we will be good parents and do anything for our child. I know there will be really hard times and really good ones. I know we will love our kids. But, will we take them for granted? Does the pain fade leaving you with a false sense of deserving? I hope that I can look back on this years from now and remember with a painful twinge what it is to be without. I hope it will remind me to give my child extra kisses and hugs. I hope I remember to tell him or her every single day how much they are wanted and loved.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Miracle in a blister pack?
So today is the day. We started our first round of clomid tonight. I'll have to say I've been a bit nervous about it. I went and picked my rx up yesterday and I was a bit surprised at the packaging and how anticlimactic it all was. I'm not saying I expected to pick up a gift box with a big curly gold bow or have a choir suddenly drop down from the ceiling offering me lofty joyful hymns or anything but honestly? A blister pack???
It actually made me laugh a bit at the situation. Here we are with six years of this mess under our belt and our answer is supposed to be found in five blister packed pills? All of the disappointment and hope and pain we have experienced comes down to this? Our miracle, according to my very optimistic doctor is supposed to be wrapped up in silver foil and plastic. Hmmm... I guess only time (most of it spent in the bedroom) will tell.
It actually made me laugh a bit at the situation. Here we are with six years of this mess under our belt and our answer is supposed to be found in five blister packed pills? All of the disappointment and hope and pain we have experienced comes down to this? Our miracle, according to my very optimistic doctor is supposed to be wrapped up in silver foil and plastic. Hmmm... I guess only time (most of it spent in the bedroom) will tell.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Meet Rocky...A Show and Tell....
I had a few ideas for this week's show and tell but this one takes main priority. I want you all to meet Rocky.
This is Rocky. He is a cichlid (see-klid) and the coolest fish I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.
Cichlids are notorious for being aggressive and within a few hours of his introduction to the tank my other cichlid turned on him. Camille (the other fish) really hurt him, and we were certain he wouldn't make it. All of his fins had been bitten and his tail too. He even has a nasty spot on his belly where Camille got him.
I felt horrible. I really liked this little guy and I was mortified that I had caused this to happen. We decided to help him however we could so we scooped him up and for the time being we put him in the bag from the pet store. We put holes in it so that the water could flow in and out freely and hoped for the best. The bag kept him away from Camille but allowed him the ability to move all around half the tank. We were going to get a divider but my tank is really small and we found out that Rocky can sometimes wedge himself into the wrinkles in the bag and rest upright, so we left it.
Every night we go to bed expecting to find him gone the next day. He spends a lot of his time on his side or upside down because he can't propel himself or balance, but he fights so hard. His fins and tail have started to grow back now and he is eating again too. I'm so proud of him! I know that sounds silly but I am. He's made it eight days! We named him Rocky because he's such a fighter.
I was reluctant to share him because I was afraid of the judgement I might get from some, but in a silly way he is inspiring. I hated for everyone to miss out on how cool he was if something happened to him. He has some serious courage and strength for such a little guy. I can't tell you how many times a day I roll my eyes at myself. I feel silly getting so worked up over a five dollar fish but I can't help it. I want so badly for him to get better and be ok. He is such a perfect guy for us to have in our lives right now. We are struggling so hard with infertility and we've been knocked down so many times. Part of me thinks that if he can make it so can we.
This is Camille. Just so you can put a name with the fin. We will be moving her back to my mom's school in a couple of weeks so Rocky can have total reign over the tank. He deserves it!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Spouses
There are a few that have braved infertility on their own and I give them huge kudos for it, but for most of us there is another person always in the waiting room. I feel like sometimes they get left in the shadows a bit and their struggle is just as painful as ours. I'm guilty of it. I forget that when we have the baby over he has to deal with his own feelings about it too. I forget sometimes how the effects of careful ovulatory planning can put his mood in the gutter. I take for granted at times that he is right there with me despite a broken heart, ready to take the next step.
Hubby and I have had our share of ups and downs. We've gone through some really rough times. It has always been compounded by our lack of children. We started our journey with the utterance of "I do." In hindsight, perhaps we should have given ourselves some time to love each other and prepare for this journey. We were both very young and eager though with no clue what we had ahead.
I'm proud of us for making it through the really hard stuff and I love remembering the good stuff. I don't think anyone ever truly believed we'd make it. There were times when I didn't believe that myself. So far, we're here and we've made it through almost six years. I love him more than anything and I can't imagine my life without him in it. I truly believe we can do this.
We were watching a movie the other night, and the love I had for him just came flooding out. In the scene the wife was cleaning the table after a rambunctious family dinner. Her husband came up behind her and before he got within reaching distance she smiled in a sort of "Ahh there he is" kind of way. I found myself smiling along with her because I knew that feeling. It surprised me. I don't know when that developed in our relationship but I can sense him in a room. I know when he gets up for work and when he comes to bed. It's like a candle in a dark room. I love that feeling and the security that comes from it.
There are times that he infuriates me or annoys me to no end. I feel like he isn't as involved in this having a baby business as I am. If you think about it though he really can't be. Most everything involves my body and what it is or isn't doing. It doesn't mean he isn't just as in tune though. His way of dealing is in silence. He doesn't tell me how it upsets him. He gets angry and shuts down. I want to lay all the cards out and examine them over and over until I can find an answer or wear myself out with it. He never ceases to amaze though. At the one moment when I feel he cares the least he will go and do something so cool or say something that is so sweet and sincere that it melts my heart.
Last week he helped in Bible school. I have the two year olds and I ended up with seven of them. One little boy had not seen his dad all day and had not taken a very good nap. He cried and pleaded for daddy to stay with him. Hubby was awestruck that a child could cling to their parent like that. He was so sweet and he stuck by that little guy the rest of the night.
A couple of days later I mentioned how much I wanted to go swimming. AF had started and I wasn't prepared. Hubby came in from work yesterday with a box of Tam.pax. It was sweet because he said "The lady told me this would work with your body. Look there's some for the heavy time and some for the medium and light times." I giggled at him. That was so cool of him to go in there and ask someone what his wife would need. He took time to care.
With all of that sweetness there are still days when I want to throttle him. His backwards ways and comments make me want to melt in the floor of embarrassment sometimes, but I know I frustrate him too. Sometimes I think we irritate each other when we can't express our pain, sadness, or anger for something entirely different. We've learned to recognize that sometimes now though. We know that when af comes and we finally give up hope for the month, that an argument will be waiting. Most often it ends in a hopeless puddle of tears as we hold on to each other trying to find the strength to try again.
I've told you all about the pack n play. It still sits in our living room. We have actually swapped it and the couch out (for a very different reason) so that now it takes the prime focus in our living room. I see him stare at it thoughtfully, wistfully, just like I do and I know it needs to stay. I've seen his excitement over good test results. He is bubbling over to tell people that we are taking a new step. He is hopeful and cautiously excited. Sometimes he pops in with "What do you think about this name?" or "I saw the cutest kid today!" When I have those days when I think he isn't invested in this like I wish he was, or that he doesn't care like I thought he did, those little things serve as reminders that he deals with this in a different way. I have to remember to check in with him often and take his opinions to heart. This is his journey too and I can't imagine walking this road with anyone else!
Hubby and I have had our share of ups and downs. We've gone through some really rough times. It has always been compounded by our lack of children. We started our journey with the utterance of "I do." In hindsight, perhaps we should have given ourselves some time to love each other and prepare for this journey. We were both very young and eager though with no clue what we had ahead.
I'm proud of us for making it through the really hard stuff and I love remembering the good stuff. I don't think anyone ever truly believed we'd make it. There were times when I didn't believe that myself. So far, we're here and we've made it through almost six years. I love him more than anything and I can't imagine my life without him in it. I truly believe we can do this.
We were watching a movie the other night, and the love I had for him just came flooding out. In the scene the wife was cleaning the table after a rambunctious family dinner. Her husband came up behind her and before he got within reaching distance she smiled in a sort of "Ahh there he is" kind of way. I found myself smiling along with her because I knew that feeling. It surprised me. I don't know when that developed in our relationship but I can sense him in a room. I know when he gets up for work and when he comes to bed. It's like a candle in a dark room. I love that feeling and the security that comes from it.
There are times that he infuriates me or annoys me to no end. I feel like he isn't as involved in this having a baby business as I am. If you think about it though he really can't be. Most everything involves my body and what it is or isn't doing. It doesn't mean he isn't just as in tune though. His way of dealing is in silence. He doesn't tell me how it upsets him. He gets angry and shuts down. I want to lay all the cards out and examine them over and over until I can find an answer or wear myself out with it. He never ceases to amaze though. At the one moment when I feel he cares the least he will go and do something so cool or say something that is so sweet and sincere that it melts my heart.
Last week he helped in Bible school. I have the two year olds and I ended up with seven of them. One little boy had not seen his dad all day and had not taken a very good nap. He cried and pleaded for daddy to stay with him. Hubby was awestruck that a child could cling to their parent like that. He was so sweet and he stuck by that little guy the rest of the night.
A couple of days later I mentioned how much I wanted to go swimming. AF had started and I wasn't prepared. Hubby came in from work yesterday with a box of Tam.pax. It was sweet because he said "The lady told me this would work with your body. Look there's some for the heavy time and some for the medium and light times." I giggled at him. That was so cool of him to go in there and ask someone what his wife would need. He took time to care.
With all of that sweetness there are still days when I want to throttle him. His backwards ways and comments make me want to melt in the floor of embarrassment sometimes, but I know I frustrate him too. Sometimes I think we irritate each other when we can't express our pain, sadness, or anger for something entirely different. We've learned to recognize that sometimes now though. We know that when af comes and we finally give up hope for the month, that an argument will be waiting. Most often it ends in a hopeless puddle of tears as we hold on to each other trying to find the strength to try again.
I've told you all about the pack n play. It still sits in our living room. We have actually swapped it and the couch out (for a very different reason) so that now it takes the prime focus in our living room. I see him stare at it thoughtfully, wistfully, just like I do and I know it needs to stay. I've seen his excitement over good test results. He is bubbling over to tell people that we are taking a new step. He is hopeful and cautiously excited. Sometimes he pops in with "What do you think about this name?" or "I saw the cutest kid today!" When I have those days when I think he isn't invested in this like I wish he was, or that he doesn't care like I thought he did, those little things serve as reminders that he deals with this in a different way. I have to remember to check in with him often and take his opinions to heart. This is his journey too and I can't imagine walking this road with anyone else!
Friday, June 27, 2008
Pardon me whilst I recover from af's butt kicking!
I have a million things I want to tell you all about. There is so much going on right now in so many directions of my life and I can't seem to pull myself into one spot long enough to make a coherent decision on any of them!
I did manage to finally get a wonderful nurse at the ob's office to call me today and she took time to help me feel a little less overwhelmed. I was afraid that my minimal flow would mean this isn't really af and I would mess this all up. Well, I'm safe. Flow is normal and doc said it didn't matter b/c the Pro.vera incident last month would probably mean a light af this month anyway. Whew. I messed up where I wanted the rx to go too. I normally go to a mom and pop's pharmacy for all my meds but insurance won't cover this one I'm afraid and I really didn't want anyone there knowing what I was taking b/c my parents are good friends with everyone there. Thankfully that nurse was so cool and she called them claiming she had made a mistake and then called "World of the $4 (and $9) meds" and sent my rx there! How cool is that?!?!
Yes, you caught that if you were quick. We aren't telling anyone about our journey anymore (well aside from all my wonderful internet sisters). I used to go to my mom to vent and get her advice, but hubby and I agreed that her negativity was really bringing me down. We decided that once we got my cycles in working order and started again we would keep it quiet from everyone.
I'm thought I would be excited about starting Clomid but I'm really just in more of a calendar mode with it. I want to sit and figure out the days and how it will all work out. I'm anxious about the side effects and truly scared of disappointment.
I don't have much time today for a post. We are going out to eat with Dot and Dan and the baby. It should be fun. I asked hubby if they could come along because I'm tired of being stuck in the house. It will be nice to hang out for a while with other people.
I think when I get home I'm going to take a nap though! Af has really kicked me in the tush and I am just dragging around the past couple of days. I promise a more thoughtful and meaningful post tomorrow. Till then...
I did manage to finally get a wonderful nurse at the ob's office to call me today and she took time to help me feel a little less overwhelmed. I was afraid that my minimal flow would mean this isn't really af and I would mess this all up. Well, I'm safe. Flow is normal and doc said it didn't matter b/c the Pro.vera incident last month would probably mean a light af this month anyway. Whew. I messed up where I wanted the rx to go too. I normally go to a mom and pop's pharmacy for all my meds but insurance won't cover this one I'm afraid and I really didn't want anyone there knowing what I was taking b/c my parents are good friends with everyone there. Thankfully that nurse was so cool and she called them claiming she had made a mistake and then called "World of the $4 (and $9) meds" and sent my rx there! How cool is that?!?!
Yes, you caught that if you were quick. We aren't telling anyone about our journey anymore (well aside from all my wonderful internet sisters). I used to go to my mom to vent and get her advice, but hubby and I agreed that her negativity was really bringing me down. We decided that once we got my cycles in working order and started again we would keep it quiet from everyone.
I'm thought I would be excited about starting Clomid but I'm really just in more of a calendar mode with it. I want to sit and figure out the days and how it will all work out. I'm anxious about the side effects and truly scared of disappointment.
I don't have much time today for a post. We are going out to eat with Dot and Dan and the baby. It should be fun. I asked hubby if they could come along because I'm tired of being stuck in the house. It will be nice to hang out for a while with other people.
I think when I get home I'm going to take a nap though! Af has really kicked me in the tush and I am just dragging around the past couple of days. I promise a more thoughtful and meaningful post tomorrow. Till then...
Thursday, June 26, 2008
I ended up here?... how?
I should have seen it coming. I knew it was bound to happen. I can't believe I was so ignorant and oblivious to the signs!
This week I have been exhausted despite the fact that I have done nothing all week. I got a migraine last night. Two days ago this enormous (hubby calls it the "unicorn") zit popped up right between my eyes. I have become bloated and have groaned in misery over the pain and discomfort of the tiniest of meals. Then, the one thing that should have tipped me off, the big kicker.... Hubby became the single most annoying organism on the face of the planet! He started prodding me with annoying irritants and poking my sanity straight out the second story window. I became infuriated with the way he peed even and could not believe the lack of consideration and compassion of the man I considered my most loved in life.
Yup... you guessed it....
AF knocked on the door this afternoon.
This gives me a post provera cycle start of 20 days exactly. Not too bad. Perhaps there is hope after all.
Then a scary realization hit me. I start Clomid in 4 days. It wasn't supposed to happen this soon! I wasn't ready yet. I am still trying to find both doctors in the office on the same day so that I can score my script for the damn pills! I haven't restocked my cabinets with the necessary sanitary products. I haven't even boiled the water for crying out loud! Oh no! Internet I beg of you, what is a girl to do?
I suppose tomorrow I need to pick up my rx and clean house. I need to prepare the living room couch for hubby to slumber on in the inevitable event of my emotional meltdowns and settle in for a long bumpy emotional roller coaster. I'm gonna need help!
This week I have been exhausted despite the fact that I have done nothing all week. I got a migraine last night. Two days ago this enormous (hubby calls it the "unicorn") zit popped up right between my eyes. I have become bloated and have groaned in misery over the pain and discomfort of the tiniest of meals. Then, the one thing that should have tipped me off, the big kicker.... Hubby became the single most annoying organism on the face of the planet! He started prodding me with annoying irritants and poking my sanity straight out the second story window. I became infuriated with the way he peed even and could not believe the lack of consideration and compassion of the man I considered my most loved in life.
Yup... you guessed it....
AF knocked on the door this afternoon.
This gives me a post provera cycle start of 20 days exactly. Not too bad. Perhaps there is hope after all.
Then a scary realization hit me. I start Clomid in 4 days. It wasn't supposed to happen this soon! I wasn't ready yet. I am still trying to find both doctors in the office on the same day so that I can score my script for the damn pills! I haven't restocked my cabinets with the necessary sanitary products. I haven't even boiled the water for crying out loud! Oh no! Internet I beg of you, what is a girl to do?
I suppose tomorrow I need to pick up my rx and clean house. I need to prepare the living room couch for hubby to slumber on in the inevitable event of my emotional meltdowns and settle in for a long bumpy emotional roller coaster. I'm gonna need help!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Dear Doc,
I'm so glad to see that you are putting all of my hard earned money to use at the driving range. I think your game is improving. Really I do. I feel bad taking you away from your Ma.xim magazine for even the briefest of moments but I had a few things I wanted to discuss. I hope you can humor me and at least skim over this letter's contents with the same skimming nonchalance you give my chart at each visit.
First off, I would like to apologize for my inability to produce a healthy screaming specimen and make you look good. I know that having me hang around the office seems bad for business and all but I think I have managed to come up with a solution. Perhaps on the days of my visits you could leave the back door unlocked. I could sneak in with the stealth of a cat and sit quietly unnoticed in some unoccupied corner of the building until it is time for my appointment. You could tell people I was a celebrity or the newspaper girl or even a distasteful moving sculpture. It wouldn't bother me either way. It would be nice if you could put a chair there for me while I wait, but I'm not too picky.
This would actually be a good thing for me. It would mean coming to the doctor's office without facing the "Stare of a thousand bellies." Seriously, can't you like put some weird mind numbing television show in there or something for them to stare at? It is rather unnerving to be faced at the door with all those bellies. I know they are wondering what I must be doing there wasting your time when it is obvious I'm not doing my part to enhance the world's population with my offspring. I mean honestly! Who comes for a yearly pap anymore? What else could you possibly need a doctor for?
So to recap, back door, chair, television....check.
This brings us to the white door. You know the one the nurse stands at ushering me through and shutting the door quickly to save the poor pregnant people from having to sit one more second with someone like me?
You know I just love forking out my entire life savings to the pretty little receptionist behind the counter only to have her ask me why I'm really there. I get all giddy when the nurse tells me as she takes my blood pressure that I need to have a true reason to come to the doctor these days and that she must mark down that I'm there for my yearly. I didn't once wince when she told me that with the insurance the way it is, I can't just come in to "discuss" things or follow up on my test results without a huge problem. I even bit my tongue and passed up the chance to tell her that I considered not ovulating for the past six years and wearing my hoo ha out with night after night of conceptual sex a problem! I never once whispered in a slightly agitated tone that in my opinion having a four week period that left your bathroom looking like a murder scene at least four times a day was anything to be concerned about. And let's just forget the sobbing terrified mess I was as I lay lifeless and unable to move in the bedroom floor whilst hubby called my family doc for an emergency rx of Provera. You would have been proud had you not been "taking five" to oogle at that chick sitting on the car in the magazine I saw (You know, the one you accidentally dropped off your clipboard and hastily stooped to pick up and rearrange in the office magazine basket? Because, you know all us women love reading those articles about how to arrange ourselves just right on the hood of a car to maximize the amount of sperm reaching the cervix...).
This brings me on to the office visit. Honestly! Do you consider that a service? Let me give you a run down... I go sit in said office waiting nervously as I go over in my head the top one hundred questions hubby and I have come up with since my last office visit (The one in November...seven months ago. You sent someone else in to do the job and never even called! Jerk!). You come waltzing in with your laptop and fancy clipboard (Which we now know is only a place to keep your dirty pictures) and you scan my folder in under three seconds flat and say "So what are we here for?" Well, if you would read the chart you would see, but what do I know eh? It amazed me though - that suave way you convinced me that I was here for my pap, tossed me a gown and a sheet and left the room so that I could "assume the position." I was sadly disappointed with your stirrup side manner as you lubed, swabbed, and degloved without so much as a smile or look in my direction. You didn't even comment on the Christmas lights I had worked so hard the night before to arrange down there just to make it a more pleasant experience. Hmph! No fruitcakes for you bub!
After the exam I do apologize. I realize now that it was drawing near to eleven o'clock and that my questions in regards to the logistics of our next fertility med seemed trifle and silly compared to your meeting at the country club. I understand now that it is my personal responsibility to Goo.gle my information and scour the brains of all my infertile friends on the best way to take said medications. How silly and inconsiderate of me.
I will say all in all though. The whole visit wasn't a total loss. I did rather appreciate the fatherly pat on the shoulder you gave me as you hurried out the front door in your all too white tennis shorts and tied around the neck argyle. It made it much easier for me to hand that perky receptionist my check knowing that I have single handedly funded your visit to the courts that day with enough left over to perhaps make a payment on that pretty little mercedes convertible you raced down the drive in. I feel good knowing that you will be able to comfortably retire at the ripe old age of 40 whilst I sweat and slave over every penny until I'm 85. What a good person I am huh?
Thanks doc for such a great visit. This is exactly the reason I come back time after time! I just can't wait for the chance to feel like a good person again! How's next Friday?
Arian
First off, I would like to apologize for my inability to produce a healthy screaming specimen and make you look good. I know that having me hang around the office seems bad for business and all but I think I have managed to come up with a solution. Perhaps on the days of my visits you could leave the back door unlocked. I could sneak in with the stealth of a cat and sit quietly unnoticed in some unoccupied corner of the building until it is time for my appointment. You could tell people I was a celebrity or the newspaper girl or even a distasteful moving sculpture. It wouldn't bother me either way. It would be nice if you could put a chair there for me while I wait, but I'm not too picky.
This would actually be a good thing for me. It would mean coming to the doctor's office without facing the "Stare of a thousand bellies." Seriously, can't you like put some weird mind numbing television show in there or something for them to stare at? It is rather unnerving to be faced at the door with all those bellies. I know they are wondering what I must be doing there wasting your time when it is obvious I'm not doing my part to enhance the world's population with my offspring. I mean honestly! Who comes for a yearly pap anymore? What else could you possibly need a doctor for?
So to recap, back door, chair, television....check.
This brings us to the white door. You know the one the nurse stands at ushering me through and shutting the door quickly to save the poor pregnant people from having to sit one more second with someone like me?
You know I just love forking out my entire life savings to the pretty little receptionist behind the counter only to have her ask me why I'm really there. I get all giddy when the nurse tells me as she takes my blood pressure that I need to have a true reason to come to the doctor these days and that she must mark down that I'm there for my yearly. I didn't once wince when she told me that with the insurance the way it is, I can't just come in to "discuss" things or follow up on my test results without a huge problem. I even bit my tongue and passed up the chance to tell her that I considered not ovulating for the past six years and wearing my hoo ha out with night after night of conceptual sex a problem! I never once whispered in a slightly agitated tone that in my opinion having a four week period that left your bathroom looking like a murder scene at least four times a day was anything to be concerned about. And let's just forget the sobbing terrified mess I was as I lay lifeless and unable to move in the bedroom floor whilst hubby called my family doc for an emergency rx of Provera. You would have been proud had you not been "taking five" to oogle at that chick sitting on the car in the magazine I saw (You know, the one you accidentally dropped off your clipboard and hastily stooped to pick up and rearrange in the office magazine basket? Because, you know all us women love reading those articles about how to arrange ourselves just right on the hood of a car to maximize the amount of sperm reaching the cervix...).
This brings me on to the office visit. Honestly! Do you consider that a service? Let me give you a run down... I go sit in said office waiting nervously as I go over in my head the top one hundred questions hubby and I have come up with since my last office visit (The one in November...seven months ago. You sent someone else in to do the job and never even called! Jerk!). You come waltzing in with your laptop and fancy clipboard (Which we now know is only a place to keep your dirty pictures) and you scan my folder in under three seconds flat and say "So what are we here for?" Well, if you would read the chart you would see, but what do I know eh? It amazed me though - that suave way you convinced me that I was here for my pap, tossed me a gown and a sheet and left the room so that I could "assume the position." I was sadly disappointed with your stirrup side manner as you lubed, swabbed, and degloved without so much as a smile or look in my direction. You didn't even comment on the Christmas lights I had worked so hard the night before to arrange down there just to make it a more pleasant experience. Hmph! No fruitcakes for you bub!
After the exam I do apologize. I realize now that it was drawing near to eleven o'clock and that my questions in regards to the logistics of our next fertility med seemed trifle and silly compared to your meeting at the country club. I understand now that it is my personal responsibility to Goo.gle my information and scour the brains of all my infertile friends on the best way to take said medications. How silly and inconsiderate of me.
I will say all in all though. The whole visit wasn't a total loss. I did rather appreciate the fatherly pat on the shoulder you gave me as you hurried out the front door in your all too white tennis shorts and tied around the neck argyle. It made it much easier for me to hand that perky receptionist my check knowing that I have single handedly funded your visit to the courts that day with enough left over to perhaps make a payment on that pretty little mercedes convertible you raced down the drive in. I feel good knowing that you will be able to comfortably retire at the ripe old age of 40 whilst I sweat and slave over every penny until I'm 85. What a good person I am huh?
Thanks doc for such a great visit. This is exactly the reason I come back time after time! I just can't wait for the chance to feel like a good person again! How's next Friday?
Arian
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