Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Issues

I know it has been a while since my last post. I apologize from the depths of my soul, but seriously, I've been having issues.

What kind of issues? Well every kind really. I feel crappy, I'm tired a lot, my appetite has been wonky, and I've been busy with more projects than I want to complete.

I just want to curl up in bed with the television and a never ending supply of tea and sleep the days away. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to teach other peoples' kids how to behave in the real world. I don't want to open the door to a toyless living room. I'm sick of spending my nights watching my husband play video games while I crochet, type, cook, clean, etc. I'm tired of not having anyone to interract with and giggle with. I hate that the only toys I can play with are squeaky and covered with a layer of dog slime.

I hate that my body is such a screwed up mess. I want to have a period like normal people. I want to have relations with my husband without him saying "I'll go get you something to drink. Don't sit up." or "Honey, it's been over half an hour. You're finished marinating now!"

I hate that this week has been such a roller coaster. I got eyebrows from some coworkers when I mentioned how tired I had been and I immediately laughed out loud, rolled my eyes, and cried, "Please! That can't happen." The roller coaster continued a couple of days later when Hubby said "Uh, are you ever gonna start?" It was followed with a day of microscopic cramps and a sudden frustration with the fact that the world is round and doesn't turn my way.

I can't stand seeing my husband mouth to me over Dan's head, "I want a baby like they have." I can't stand the helpless and hopeless despair that pours over me when he does that.I can't stand that there are two people having babies this week and I can't even lay a lousy egg.

I don't know how much more I can take right now. I need vacation from my life. Seriously!
Argh!

*** Sorry. I know this is a bit ranting and whiny to say the least, but I wanted to give you an honest reason why I had not posted for a few days. Truth is, I am in a bitter, frustrated place right now and any posting is going to reflect that.

7 comments:

eden said...

Oh, sweetheart! I'm so glad you wrote that. It's the Truth, aint no point sugarcoating it.

I'm so sorry you're hurting. It's just simply not fair.

Is it a big winter where you are? I always get fed UP with winter at the tail end of it, sucks badly.

Love to you. XOXOXOX

Kristin said...

Lots of {{{{hugs}}}}. I am so sorry you are hurting like this.

Michelle said...

You can rant and whine all you want...I always do. :) ((HUGS))

Rebecca said...

{{{{HUGS}}}}

Nothing more, just {{{{HUGS}}}}.

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

((LOTS OF HUGS))

Photogrl said...

Big huge ((HUGS))

alicia said...

oh hun, hugs! i think its good you are putting the truth out there and how you are really feeling. it is your blog, so if you are feeling down in the dumps you should be able to express it here.

I think a vacation from your life sounds like a great idea! It dosen't even have to be extravagent. I know once in the midst of ttc drama keith and I rented a hotel room down town and just escaped our norm for a little relaxing weekend! I think you deserve a little break like that.