Monday, September 14, 2009

It'll only take three minutes....

My lovely wonderful doctor is apparently the king of sugar coating. At my appointment last week, he discussed my "procedure" with ease as if we were merely two people sitting down for a cup of coffee and a chat. My favorite part of the chat was when he looked me calmly in the eyes and said "It will only take me two minutes or so and you'll be all done." After this, he walked me back to the office that no one knows exists so that some nice lady with a doggy sleeping lazily under her desk could break the news easily that this was a surgery of sorts with dopey drugs and hospital masks.

I left the office a bit uneasy, but not that worried. That was until the hospital started bombarding my work with calls to ask me questions like, "What is your religious preference?" and "What is the name of your pastor?" That bugged me, but I was still okay. Today, I got three calls. One was about my living will, my inpatient choices in case he decides to keep me longer, and a lengthy discussion about my tolerance for various anesthesia methods.

I have a pre-op appointment tomorrow afternoon, and I am rather grumpy about this whole thing. I realize that this is a fairly common procedure, but come on people! Don't freak me out so much about the fact that there is this remote chance that I could die. Don't skirt around the fact that you are indeed actively seeking out a cause for my relentless bleeding without the promise of an answer or a solution. Please do not discuss my future children or the likelihood that I will or will not ever be able to conceive after this. Do not dare consider mentioning the big scary "C" or its cousin "complications." Knock me out, do whatcha gotta do, and when I wake up, tell me that I was swept out to sea while on a luxurious vacation in the Caribbean and knocked my head on a giant sea turtle, only to be rescued by my husband who has miraculously transformed into a gorgeous underwear model! This should be the only explanation you give me for my fashionable hospital gown and foggy vision!

Three minutes! Good grief!


VA Blondie said...

That is annoying that you are getting all those calls at work. They can easily go over all that stuff at your pre-op appointment. Unfortunately, they do have to make sure you understand all the risks before doing the procedure. Stupid legal stuff.

I work in the OR and GYN is my specialty. D and Cs are usually very short procedures. I think putting you to sleep and waking you up take longer than the actual procedure. Risks are very low, and you usually go home the same day.

Hope your pre-op appointment goes well!

Illanare said...

I had to have a D&C to complete (lovely) my first miscarriage. The hospital had so many forms and waivers for me to fill in that Signficant Other got so scared he almost didn't want me to have the op.

But VA Blondie is right, the op itself took less than 5 minutes, the time was taken up in knocking me out and waking me up. I was walking out the hospital an hour later.

Good luck with it all, will be thinking of you.

Kristin said...

I hope the procedure goes smoothly and there are no complications at all. It really is a very simple procedure and should go off without a hitch. {{{Hugs}}}