Monday, December 1, 2008

Packin Always in my Backpack

I must have ticked someone off up there really bad. I don't know what I did or how to repair thier bitterness towards us, but I'm going to do everything I can to fix whatever wrong has been done.

Yesterday we tested. It was early, but I wanted Hubby to be there when I did. We bought one of those "We can tell you're knocked up even before you ovulate!" tests and were not surprised to see a bfn for month 71. Hubby tried to stay upbeat with the old "It's still too early" try, but in my heart I could feel the end coming.

This morning, my temp took a dump. I feel like af will be here any moment. I have stuffed my backpack to the brim with emergency supplies and I am ready to face the battlefield again. I have not cried. I will not cry. Not yet.

The silver lining - because every maxi has one- is that it looks as though we will make it to 14 dpo. That is an absolute miracle to me. I'm jaw dropped that my body actually did what it was supposed to for once. It's a shame it couldn't follow through and keep little Sheldon safe and secure for a while.

Perhaps, next month Sheldon can stay a bit longer. Maybe he had something important to do before he settled in for a long stay. It just wasn't time.

This is the decision part of the cycle. We always make the same decision, but I think we discuss options just so we can feel a little bit of control. I think we want to tell the heavens that we don't have to try if we don't want to. We will discuss a break for the holidays, then we will discuss the fabulous cycles. We will revisit cycles from the past and how horrible they have been. Then we will call the doc and begin round 4.

I don't understand why so many people come to our house and visit with us. We are truly becoming very predictable, boring, old farts that don't even have any kids to distract you from our nose picking entertainment...

5 comments:

Sassy said...

I'm so sorry. *hug*

alicia said...

((((hugs)))) so sorry. it is great how you see a silver lining though, i love that. Sheldon will be back soon, but this time to stay :)

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

I am SO sorry, sweetie. ((HUGS))

emilythehopeless said...

big huge hugs

Photogrl said...

So, so sorry...

Big, big, ((HUGS)) to you.

Nothing wrong with taking a break...especially over the holidays. Who needs the extra stress?

Again, more ((HUGS))