Sunday, November 30, 2008

Dear heavenly forces,

It is no secret that during this holiday season my family is hurting. The wound we all share is deep and very sore right now. I'm not the only one that has noticed the fragility of life lately. Our lives have become a ticking clock, counting down the hours till our family is changed irreversibly.

It is so painful to see my mother hurt so much as she faces the future of her parents. My heart aches each time I imagine my grandfather's face, so weary. Tears flood my eyes each time I realize my grandfather will no longer do certain things. He will never go to church again. He will never see my home. He will never drive to the barber shop with the neat swirly pole.

Even our youngest member, whether intentional or sixth sensed, shows signs that she is hurting. Her photo albums, usually stuffed to the brim with family pets, favorite places, and lunch room moments with silly friends, is now replaced with many pictures of us. She has pictures of my sister, brother, and I. She keeps pictures of her family even when they do have her stinky brother in them. Once you pass all of those happy photos, you will find towards the back, a desperate attempt to hold on to her Grandfather. She has blurry pictures and red tinted ones. She has Christmas photos that have been snuck from the big family album. In each one he is smiling and the twinkle in his eye outshines everyone else in the photo.

As Christmas approaches, there is a weight that presses down on all of our hearts. My parents are scrambling to finish renovations so that he can visit their home and spend a holiday with them one more time. My grandfather was a master carpenter and his approval of my parents' handiwork has become top priority.

I too feel a weight of responsibility. This is why I am writing. I want so badly to at least let him know that his family is growing. I think he would like to know that. I understand that it may be too late for him to hold a new family member, but I want him to at least know one is coming.

I also feel that a new life coming into our family could be so helpful for us all. With a new life comes hope and light. My hope is that he or she could help comfort us and help us heal. In no way would he or she take the place of any vacant spots. In no way would he or she distract us from an empty seat, but I do think it would make things more bearable at least. I worry about my mother and I can see a new little one as a way to keep her smiling. I see the same for my grandmother. I can see myself looking for that familiar twinkle as my little one wakes in the mornings.

So, to the powers that be, I beg of you, please help our family. Please let us receive this miracle as you prepare to take another back home. I understand I suppose, if you tell me it isn't time. I will wait once again with a sincere attempt at patience. Still, if you would at least consider how this tiny Sheldon could help our family perhaps you will see what I see.

Happy 12dpo Sheldon

2 comments:

Michelle said...

That is so heartbreaking. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

((HUGS)) I am praying HARD for all of you, sweetie.