Pack ? n' Play

Hubby and I have this thing that is just hanging in the air between us right now. A couple of weeks ago while hubby was at work, I kept Dot and Dan's baby so they could get out of the house a bit. I've tried to avoid that scenario lately but the baby has been going through a nasty teething spell and Dot and Dan truly needed a break from screaming baby for a bit.

They dropped her off with the normal fanfare and a Uhaul sized pile of goodies. She is pulling up and crawling everywhere now. We had a ton of fun. Our house is definitely not child friendly and I spent the first half of the morning moving things out of reach from curious little fingers.

She got fussy and we began the process of naptime. I rocked and fed and she fussed and squirmed. Finally, after what felt like hours, she fell asleep. I sat there for a while soaking up the quiet peaceful sleep that only a baby can have. Soon my arm fell asleep though and I went to lay her down.

I was determined that we would not go through the Pack n' Play drama again and that I was just going to lay her on a couple of blankets in the floor beside my desk. The puppies just couldn't stand it though. Looking back it was a sweet thing to see but at the time I was getting rather frustrated. Our chunky min pin who just has to be under a blanket or nuzzled up against someone thought that the baby was just the greatest heating pad she had ever seen. She snuggled up on one side and stuck her head just under the blanket. Our fuzzy shih-tzu decided that the baby just shouldn't be left alone like that. He is a very jealous and antsy type and he kept going up and licking her face or sniffing her and running away. It was funny but the baby obviously wasn't getting any sleep.

I thought about crating the dogs but they just whined. I considered putting the baby in her carseat but she has almost out grown it and she hates being in it so she woke up. I finally gave up and grabbed the crib. It was dreadful. I put her in it knowing the pain I would have later taking it down. She slept for two hours though unaware of the turmoil that bed brought into our home.

Hubby came home and played with her a bit and then Dan and Dot came by. They didn't stay long and as they left the air just got so silent. I hate that feeling. I just hate it! I had decided to tackle the crib just as soon as they left but I couldn't get the button to go in and hubby turned to see what I was doing. I explained that the button wouldn't go in and he said "Good. Let's just leave it up for a few days ok?"

That was over a month ago!

We tucked that thing over in a corner behind our table and it sits there. It just sits. It feels so natural to see it in our home. It is like a normal piece of furniture. People raise eyebrows when they come over and see it but we just shrug and leave them to answer their own nosy questions. I feel so silly. I feel like an imposter having it out. We shouldn't have baby things. We don't have a baby. Until now all of our baby items have been tucked away with love in a closet silently cherished in secret. Things have changed though. We have this crib that we just can't find the heart to put away. I have grown to like it there.

For hubby it means more. He has somehow become strongly attached to it and it's almost like by having that out he can pretend or forget that we don't have a baby there. I understand that and I won't be the one taking that away from him.

Do you have anything like this hanging out in a corner somewhere? Something that just sits there to make you feel a little less infertile or childless?