Blob

Don't think I didn't notice those menacing stares you were giving me last night as I went to bed early. I saw them! I know I have been a terrible blogger lately. I can feel the anger and resentment radiating out of your eyes right down into my soul. Still, I find the task of settling down in front of a computer for anything a very daunting and impossible task. I'm sorry that you have been forced to suffer for six more days without me and that I have missed yet another show and tell. I promise I will do better!

I knew that upping the dose of Clomid would mean more side effects. I was prepared I thought. I had visions of walking around with a barf bag attached to my face like a horse's feed bag. I doubled the number of ice packs I stashed in the freezer and tried to come up with a creative way to slip them into my shoes so that I didn't leave a wake of fiery flames every where I went. I added some extra migraine meds to my bag and stocked up on tissues in every room for the tears that were certain to fall.

I was an idiot. I was not prepared at all. I had no idea what I would feel like. If I had known, I would have taken the next month off at work and hidden in a nice icy cave somewhere until a positive pee stick brought me out to dance victoriously on those evil blister packed devil pills!

Ok, truthfully, it hasn't been that bad. The cranky has taken over this time which is new. I have had a few headaches, but I always have those. The nausea hasn't really hit yet. It will be another week or so before I have to fight that battle although, I am already dealing with it a bit and I fear what the next couple of weeks have in store for me. The hot flashes? Well let's just thank the heavens now for all this cold weather lately! It has helped a bit that the puddle of tears freeze in my shoes and keep my toes nice and frosty.

The crying has been ridiculous this month. A lot. I cry about silly things. I hate it. I am not a crier. Well, normally. Hubby mentioned my sister this week and I thought about not being able to see her the past few weeks (she's in college two hours away) and I started sobbing like a little kid right there in the car. I also made the dumb mistake of watching Homeward Bound with one of my kindergarten classes. I didn't even make it to the sad parts! I started sobbing the moment the little white doggie raised his ears and tilted his head to the side. The kids thought Ms. Arian was a total dork.

With all of that being said, the most horrible side effect has been my sleep. I cannot sleep for more than an hour or two at a time. I was wondering if anyone else had dealt with any sleep issues on clomid. With the 50mg the worst I had were a few middle of the night wake ups and some seriously bizarre dreams. This go round, the weird dreams are a bit stranger but I can manage that. I just make sure to ask my mom each morning when she picks me up for work if I am wearing a shirt and pants. The lack of sleep however, is killing me. Last night I literally keep tally of each hour passing as I slept. I didn't even intend to do it, but I would wake up, look at the clock and say, "There's the 1am mark.....this must be 2am.....sigh...3am..." and so on until 8am this morning. It wasn't each hour on the hour or anything, but there was a moment in each hour that I was awake staring at my clock begging my eyes to shut and for sleep to take over again.

The result? I fell asleep at about 2 o'clock this afternoon and slept off and on until about 5. Now I have a terrible headache.

I feel like a blob. A tearful, cranky, hot as fire blob that could hurl at any moment!