Friday, November 28, 2008

Tiny Victories

We're here today. Sheldon and I are here together. Still.

Our Thanksgiving was brought to a close last night with a quiet stillness in the dark. I lie awake reflecting on the day's events. The kids (not so much kids anymore) enjoyed a new found bond together as we played games and laughed together about the same things. The "adults" sat in the other room, a football game playing in the background, as they smiled at memories of holidays past. They watched us mirror many of the same things they shared as children years before. I noticed that I wasn't the only "kid" that paused in silent reflection, watching the generations move onward right before our eyes. The childlike sense of immortality erased from our eyes as we acknowledged that some of us will go and others will come.

It is a surreal feeling. That feeling that you are responsible for keeping the wheel turning. That feeling that as you turn the wheel to welcome new family in, others will leave. My grandfather has never looked so fragile. He looked like a child sitting in his wheelchair oblivious to the conversations and events going on around him. Still, he was peaceful as he watched us all laugh. A couple of times I even saw that familiar twinkle flash in his eyes.

On the way home, my husband remarked "I had no idea he was so sick." Hubby's work schedule has prevented him from being with me on most of my recent visits and he has not witnessed the avalanche of decline over the past few months like the rest of us. It is heartbreaking to see, but a reality we all must face, holding each other up and helping him through the final parts of his journey.

As slept crept upon me, I whispered a blessing over each face that I cherished last night. At the end I stopped and whispered a very secret and sacred blessing for one tiny face that I have not seen yet. I am very blessed and thankful to know that we have gotten so far this cycle. It is a small victory that no matter the outcome has brought us one more step closer to meeting the face we pray and hope to see so desperately.

I have decided that I need to start acknowledging the little victories more. I need to celebrate each and every one as if it were a major milestone. Sheldon is here with us today and that is what we will focus on today. Tomorrow we will celebrate tomorrow. No matter the outcome, I am blessed with this little egg that has reminded me to focus on the right things again in my journey for a child and every day life as well....

Happy 10 dpo Sheldon. We've never made it this far!

1 comment:

Michelle said...

I am happy that you had a nice Thanksgiving. It is the same way with my grandmother. She just visited from Florida this past Summer and was doing pretty good. Well my sister just got back from visiting her and said someone needs to go right now because it doesn't look like she is going to make much longer. It makes me sad.