Sunday, March 29, 2009

April Showers too soon

I am amazed at how green things have gotten over the past week! I spent the entire week confined to either bed or couch, unable to breathe or move. I haven't been that sick in ages. I have no idea what it was because I was too sick to get out of bed and go to the doctor. I just took some tylenol and waited painfully for the next wave of sleep to take over. By Friday, I sounded horrible, but I was able to stand for more than a few seconds and I felt a million times better! I finally went to Mom's for a bit that night and it was shocking to see how quickly spring had sprung in my absence.
Saturday brought with it sounds of thunder and more signs of nature's awakening. The rain started to fall as I headed out to pick up some dinner. I told Hubby how beautiful it was outside. The sky was like a checkerboard, one minute sunny, the next black. Sure enough, as I drove down the road, a tornado warning came across the radio for some neighboring counties. We never faced any dangers, but other places had quite a bit of damage.

I took the chance to snap up a few shots before running in to pee. I had no idea that the clouds had also brought someone else with them. I stared in disbelief at the pink tp for a long time. It confused me. It isn't time yet. We still have four days. I was out of pads, toilet paper, I was so screwed!

I called my mom and they happened to be on their way home. They were very ironically driving past my house at that moment and swung by to pick me up. I stayed at their house until Hubby got off work. I couldn't sit in our house alone. For the first time ever, Mom listened to our plans and she was supportive and asked questions. It felt good to talk to someone.

I got home and there is not even a slight tinge of spotting. I don't know what in this world is going on with my body. I'm so frustrated with it right now. I'm sure tomorrow will tell us more, but for now the clouds still cover up all of our hopes and dreams. We hoped so much that it would work this time. We are $150 short for the next cycle, our last with this doctor. There are lots of painful decisions to be made it seems and I prayed so hard that we would be spared. Why can't the universe just be straight-forward with me? Instead, I get the run around and the guessing games. If you have any connections with St. Peter or Gabriel, perhaps you could send 'em an email for Hubby and me. Maybe they just accidentally forgot that it's been raining over here for the past 6 years.

Sorry for such a gloomy S&T this week. Perhaps you should go check out the rest of the class...

Show and Tell

12 comments:

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

Oh sweetie, I don't know what the origin of the spotting was, but I will say that I spotted at about 6-8 DPO when I got PG with Lemy. It was the ONLY time I've ever done that. So, I will be praying that that is what it was and that the rain gives way very soon to bright, beautiful sunlight. ((HUGS))

Kristin said...

I'm so sorry you are stuck in limbo like that. Hoping and praying you are surprised. Hoping its time for sunshine and rainbows in your life.

Amanda said...

I don't want to get your hopes up too much, but I think what you described could be implantation spotting and that would be a very good thing. I hope it is!

GINA and KEV said...

Our bodies can be cruel machines at times. I'm still holding out hope for you.

infertilityrocks said...

Hoping that the rain stops soon for you. Don't apologize for being down, you're just being honest. No use faking it here for us.

Beautiful Mess said...

I'm so sorry you are feeling so gray right now. It's completely understandable. I'm sending some prayers and hugs to you.

JuliaS said...

Sending good wishes for sunny skies ahead.

(The cloud photo is beautiful.)

Parenthood For Me said...

sorry you were so sick and then now this. I hope you get good news.

Taylor said...

Sorry you are feeling so down. I hope the sun breaks through.

cysteract said...

you never need to apologise for feeling down .. praying the sun comes out for you and hubby soon!

ak_sapphire said...

the cloud picture is beautiful, you can see the power of the storm in it. sorry you're feeling down. the sun shines brightest after a storm...good luck.

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